Past Your Due Date: A letter to my daughter
My daughter,
Oh how I impatiently await your arrival. For months now, “August 20th” has been on my calendar as the day I may finally meet you. August 20th has now come and gone, and yet I still haven’t gotten to hold you yet or kiss your face. I am both excited and very impatient.
Yesterday, as I sat alone at the doctor’s office on the fetal monitor, I watched your heartbeat light up on the machine. As you moved inside me, kicking and pressing your knees against my stomach, I would gently place my hand over you. Your heartbeat would go faster as you excitedly moved to wherever my touch was. In that moment of peace, it was just you and me. I wish I could adequately explain the depth of my fierce love for you.
I was discouraged yesterday. You are so healthy, active, and growing beautifully, yet my body seems to have stalled and I anxiously await a labor that feels that it may never arrive. I so desperately want you to be born, to show you the world, to touch and kiss you, to hold you. I cannot wait to dress you in your cute little outfits, to show you plants and animals, to wrap you in fuzzy blankets, to give you little baths. I want to know what you look like. What color are your eyes? What color hair will you have? What does your smile look like? I want to see you meet your dad, someone who loves you just as desperately as I do, yet hasn’t been able to carry you in the way I have. I want to watch the beautiful love you will share for each other.
In my discouragement, my impatience, my disappointment at how long this is taking, I am trying to cherish every last moment of you inside me. Every kick, every movement is a special gift that I will never experience with you again. We are together in a way that won’t be reality soon. You are safe inside me, protected, nourished, and I will soon be bringing you into the world where I won’t always be able to protect you. This is a special time, a holy time, where we are connected physically and emotionally.
Baby girl, I already know you have the most beautiful, unique, and radiant soul. I cannot wait to find out what your interests will be, the dreams you will have, the goals you will pursue. I want to know your personality, your sense of humor, the way you will love.
I pray for you. I pray you will know Jesus intimately. That you will know God as your Father. That the Holy Spirit would fill you, sustain you, comfort you. I pray you will receive salvation from Jesus and be held so tightly by him for your entire life. I pray that your dad and I will be equipped by God to teach you, support you, encourage you, point you to God, and love you. I pray that you will always feel safe with us, knowing that we love you unconditionally and are forever there for you in whatever season you are in.
Thank you for making us a family. You will bring us a joy I cannot even comprehend yet. Please come soon…
Love,
Your Mama
